A blog swap with a pessimist

You guys probably remember Elisabeth from when she did a Meet a Reader post! A little while back, I thought that it would be fun for us each to write a gratefulness-themed post for each other’s blogs, since we come to our gratefulness practices from pretty different directions.

Elisabeth said yes, so she’s here today, and then next Wednesday, I’ll be posting over at her blog. 🙂 Here’s Elisabeth:

_______________________________

If the title of my blog doesn’t give it away (The Optimistic Musings of a Pessimist), I’m not someone who naturally leans into optimism and gratitude. Saying that I have a regular gratitude practice is a relatively new – and, I’ll be honest, surprising – development.

In some ways, I think I was pushed toward embracing gratitude less by choice and more out of necessity. When life felt chaotic and overwhelming, gratitude became one of the few things I could control. (And I do love to feel like I’m in control; can anyone else relate?)

It started as a survival mechanism but, over time, paying attention to the good things around me started to have an unexpected impact on how I approach life and interact with others.

Maybe I should rewind for a minute…

I don’t know the exact mix of amino acids that led to my pessimism, but I’m convinced it’s genetic.

One of my parents (okay, okay, I’ll rat him out – it’s my dad!) is a world-class pessimist – if the sun is shining but there’s a 0.1% chance of rain, he will don a slicker while stockpiling canned goods and warning anyone who will listen that there might be an impending storm.

Dad rarely complained and regularly modelled appreciation, but pessimism was an unmistakably dominant trait. For me, pessimism was the first breadcrumb on a trail leading toward discontentment.

As a kid I was generally happy (I think?), but in my tween years I started struggling with my mental health. Middle school and high school were…middle school and high school: explanation unnecessary.

University was a blur of intense academics, capped off with a whirlwind, made-for-Hallmark romance with my now-husband.

Marriage brought its own challenges. We chose unconventional career paths while navigating the exhaustion of starting a family. I spent nearly a decade struggling to see the bright side of life through sleep-deprived eyes.

Looking back now – with older and (hopefully) wiser eyes – I can see how fortunate we were. How many great moments we had, and how all those growing pains led me here. But goodness, it felt like such a slog for so many years.

The last decade hasn’t exactly been a cakewalk, either. If anything, the stress intensified and 2020-2024 was the darkest, most difficult period of my life.

In 2021, at the height of the pandemic, I started a blog, which I’ve come to see as my version of a sourdough starter. I poured my emotions into writing and was shocked at how much better it made me feel. Then, in August 2023, my blog was accidentally deleted.

Poof. Two years of work lost to the ether.

Yes, I cried.

A lot.

One of my regular blog features was called Casual Friday, a weekly recap that often included the airing of current grievances. Gratitude was not a recurring theme.

When I rebuilt my blog – new name, new space – it felt right to launch something different. That very first week, Happy Things Friday was born. Life still felt like it was crumbling around me, but hunting for happy things throughout the week became a life vest.

My technique was pretty basic – I set aside a section in my weekly planner labeled happy things and then I wrote a blog post all about them on Friday.

(Almost two years later, I’m still recording gratitude the same way – here’s the post that matches the pictured “happy thing” page in my planner.)

And my life started to change. I know, I know – it all sounds hopelessly cliché! At first the changes were so small they were imperceptible, but in hindsight I realize a foundation was being laid.

I had read stacks of books about gratitude – how to model it for kids, its spiritual significance, how it boosts happiness and longevity – but the messages never really managed to permeate my heart. Perhaps it was a case of “When the student is ready the teacher will appear”? I hadn’t been ready, and now I was desperate to learn.

Here’s what I won’t do: I won’t claim that keeping a record of daily gratitude moments will radically change your life. But I do believe it will improve your outlook.

Mary Oliver said: Attention is the beginning of devotion.

I think attention is also the beginning of gratitude. When we notice the good, we’re more likely to share the good. And by seeking out even the smallest bright spots, we start to literally rewire our brains. (It’s true!)

Life is hard. Objectively, some circumstances are almost unthinkable. I like to believe there’s never a threshold where gratitude becomes impossible and thankfully I’ve never endured suffering that made me question it entirely.

But I do know this: gratitude isn’t about ignoring pain or pretending hardships don’t exist. It’s about being present and acknowledging the good that still remains.

Some days, gratitude is a struggle. At the end of a hard day, I sometimes have to dig deep: a hot shower? The lone daffodil I spotted on my walk? Other times, gratitude rushes in effortlessly:

• Antibiotics for my child with pneumonia!
• My mother’s voice when I show up at her door.
• Clean drinking water.
• Receiving a card in the mail from a friend.
• The smell of peach shampoo at the hair salon.
• A cardinal flying past my kitchen window.
• The funny meme a friend texted me.
• Skipping a stone over the surface of a calm lake.
• Quiet.
• Watching White Christmas with my best friend [my favourite movie of all time] while wearing cozy pajamas.
• An evening walk with my husband.

There is no framework. No right or wrong way to practice gratitude.

What works for me might not work for you, and that’s okay. Start wherever you are. (Or don’t!)

I’ve come to see gratitude as a Choose Your Own Adventure story. We’re all reading from the same book, but the path we take through it can be wildly different.

Maybe you’d find it helpful to jot things down in the Notes app on your phone, use a journal, a planner, or a sticky note. Maybe you simply decide to start naming one thing you’re thankful for before bed.

In February I organized a daily gratitude practice on my blog: The Finding Joy in Gratitude Collective – more affectionately known as F.I.G. Others could do something similar at work, church, or with a group of college friends.

I’ve thought about establishing a text thread titled The Smile Line, sharing small joys – a perfectly ripe strawberry, finding a $10 bill on the ground, an unexpectedly short line at the grocery store – and creating a shared data bank of positivity.

(On the flip side, I should probably also start a separate Frown Line; life can really suck sometimes and it’s important to give ourselves permission to be honest and real about the full range of human emotions, joyful and painful.)

Our family prays before meals and uses those moments to express thankfulness. Maybe you take weekly reflection walks. Maybe you have a gratitude jar, a daily gratitude alarm on your phone, or take photos of things that delight you – the painted rock you spotted while hiking, your favorite Christmas ornament that came from Great Aunt Bertha.

(I don’t have a Great Aunt Bertha, but I did have a Great Uncle Bob, so I always smile when someone says “Bob’s your uncle!” because it was true.)

There is no test you have to pass. No Gratitude Police patrolling your neighborhood, ready to issue a ticket for inconsistency.
Some days, maybe the only thing you can be grateful for is the simple fact that tomorrow is a new day.

And maybe – just maybe – there will be something joyful in it.

Listen. Smell. Taste. Touch. See.

Pay attention.

It might feel silly or disingenuous at first. If one approach doesn’t resonate, try another. But whatever form it takes, keep at it.

Because while gratitude may not change everything, it will change something. And that’s a great place to start.

__________________

Elisabeth, thank you so much for sharing with us! I love how your gratitude practice has changed you, even as a self-professed pessimist. 🙂 

I nodded at so much of what you said, particularly about the idea of paying attention. I think that is such an important part of a grateful life; to go through each day awake to the beautiful things that are there. 🙂 I know for me, writing Thankful Thursdays has helped me to pay better attention to the good in my life!

Reader, are you a natural-born pessimist, optimist, or somewhere in between?

Don't throw your bread away!

Subscribe and I'll send you a PDF with five ways to turn dry bread into something tasty.

Subscribe

We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at any time.