An update from A. Marie

Hey friends; I got an email from reader A. Marie last week, letting me know that her husband, who was in assisted living care for Alzheimer’s, had passed.

A. Marie and her husband in 2019

She wanted to let you all know, since we all have been following along with her journey of caring for her husband through his Alzheimer’s. And she didn’t want to just throw the update into the comments, so I told her I’d be happy to publish it as a Meet a Reader update.

(Here’s A. Marie’s original Meet a Reader post.)

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Here’s A. Marie:

I’ll pick up where I left off in my June 1 Thankful Thursday comment. At that time, Dr. Bestest Neighbor and I had just visited DH at his nursing home, and Dr. BN had looked DH over carefully. We concluded that although DH had taken another step down the Alzheimer’s “staircase,” he wasn’t at the bottom yet. The nursing home staff thought the same.

As it turned out, we were all wrong. DH took a sharp turn for the worse late Saturday night. Long story short, he’d again stopped eating, and aspiration pneumonia seemed to be coming on. But we all still thought that his passing might be a matter of days or even a week or so, given his previously good state of physical health.

I spent a few hours at DH’s bedside Sunday morning, and I told him everything I wanted to tell him then, whether he could hear it or not. (Dr. BN and others say that hearing is the last sense to go.)

And I’m so glad I did: He died at about 2 pm Sunday. I went back to the nursing home at about that time as I’d intended, and as I walked into the ward at 2:10, I was greeted by two LPNs: “We were just about to call you…”

They gave me as much time as I wanted to sit with him. Fortunately, I’d remembered to bring the two things I needed most: a handkerchief and my Book of Common Prayer. (There are no lapsed Episcopalians in foxholes.)

I read a few of the prayers for the dying and recently departed that my siblings and I had read at our mother’s deathbed back in 2007, and these were comforting.

Then I kissed him for the last time and told him again the two most important things I’d told him in the morning: “You’re the best man I’ve ever known, and the best husband any woman could have wished for.”

A photo DH used for professional purposes in his home inspection and building performance heydays

I have no plans for a conventional funeral or an immediate memorial service. I’m going to need some time to think about what I want to do and when. But here is his obituary from the funeral home website, for those who would like to see it.

And I want to thank Kristen and everybody else here at The Frugal Girl for the way you have all supported me during the last few stages of this journey. It’s meant more to me than I can say.

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Aww, A. Marie. I wish I could give you a big hug. This part of your post made me cry:

“You’re the best man I’ve ever known, and the best husband any woman could have wished for.”

I am both sad for you (it is a terrible loss to be without the best man you’ve ever known) and also happy for you (because I can only imagine that it feels like a wonderful privilege to have been married to the best man you’ve ever known.)

You have been such a faithful carer for your DH through all of this, and I know that your DH would have told you that you are the best wife he could have wished for.

I’m sending so much love to you, and I hope you know that all of us will be here to support you as you navigate this new stage of your life.

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And to you, dear readers, I want to say thank you. The fact that A. Marie wanted to share this with all of you is a testament to how you all have shown her love and support. You guys are the best. <3