In her book about organizing, Marie Kondo relates how even as a small child, she was anxious to keep her family’s home tidy. Clearly, organizing and tidying are in her bones!
When I read that, I thought of how when I was younger, I would do things like pushing the last bit of a soap bar onto the top of a new one.
This was not at all motivated by necessity. My parents paid for all the soap, and they never seemed particularly pressed about the soap bill. (!)
But for whatever reason, even as a kid I hated to see things go to waste.
This natural bent served me well when I got married and left home. Neither of us had particularly high-paying jobs, so we lived in a one-bedroom basement apartment and were very careful with our spending.
In our tiny basement apartment
Even with a small income, we managed to pay for some fairly major dental work, pay off my piano + two cars, and save up enough for a down payment on a house.
As it turns out, dual incomes with no kids can be fairly lucrative even if your salaries are low.
Once we started having babies, my income-earning went down, as I was no longer able to maintain the 50-student level of piano teaching.
The years between when I was having babies were probably some of the tightest in our marriage, and while we did manage to stay out of debt, it took a lot of effort to live within our means while squirreling away a little of our income for emergencies.
My first-time mom self
When Zoe was a baby, though, my husband got some certifications and was able to make the move from warehousing to IT. From that point on, our financial picture began to brighten, and we began to move more toward a frugal lifestyle by choice rather than necessity.
I don’t think I will ever forget what it was like to live on a small income, though, and I am super grateful for my inborn frugality because it served me well during those years.
Anyway, now that I’ve experienced frugal living both by necessity and by choice, I can see some obvious differences between the two, and I far, far prefer living this way by choice.
Here are some of the advantages I see in my current situation.
Expenses aren’t such a big deal.
While I still prefer it when things don’t wear out, it’s not the end of the world if someone needs new boots and we have to go buy a new pair. If something breaks, I know we can replace it.
Earnings (or lack thereof) are not such a big deal.
Self-employment income is always a little unpredictable, and on a tight budget, losing even $30 of income is a little nerve-wracking. Now that we have a larger cushion, it’s much easier to weather the ups and downs of my income.
Small splurges don’t have to be agonized over.
I probably will always be a person who considers choosing the $1.50 option instead of the $2 one, but it’s nice to not HAVE to agonize over that sort of choice.
Having choices is more fun.
When you’re doing something in order to survive, it doesn’t feel like much of a choice. But when you are able to think, “Hey, I could spend more money on this, but I’m choosing not to.”, that’s a lovely thing.
Frugality to save is more fun than frugality to avoid debt.
When you have a low income, you end up putting forth a lot of effort just to avoid going into the red. But when your income goes up a bit, you are then in the happy position of putting forth effort so that you can put money in the bank.
Way more delightful!
We are able to be more generous.
Since we are still living a fairly frugal lifestyle even though we don’t necessarily HAVE to, we have more income freed up to give to people who don’t have as much. I’m also able to be more generous when gift-giving occasions come up.
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Have you experienced both kinds of frugal living? Do you agree with my list?
P.S. If you’re currently in the have-to stage of frugality, all the sympathy in the world to you. It’s a hard place to be, and when we were there, I couldn’t imagine that it would ever end. But it did, and I hope things turn out that way for you too.
Alexandra
Saturday 2nd of June 2018
Frugality to save is more fun than frugality to avoid debt. - this especially has resonated with me. I'm currently in the situation where everything I trim goes towards debt payment. It kinda feels like there's no end in sight for that, but one day I hope to be able to be frugal to save.
Tricia
Friday 25th of May 2018
I have so been on both sides of this issue. Interestly enough, to me, it doesn't feel so differently as I am frugal by nature and hate wasting money, so doing things the way I have always done them just feels normal to me. What I have noticed more is that when you are frugal because you have to be, people ask your advice more, or perhaps respect your opinion more; when you are doing well but continue to make frugal choices, people see you as cheap. This is a bit frustrating as I believe the former causes the latter...
Laurie m Villotta
Friday 25th of May 2018
I have had to be frugal as a single mom by choice. My daughters I adopted them from China as infants 4 years apart and they are now 10&14. I have been a nurse for 24yrs. You would think with all my years in my career I would be making good money. I took a job of a lifetime 6 weeks ago and started 4 weeks ago. Amazing pay and benefits. I ended up leaving at the end of the third week for many reasons that this job would not work out long term. I am currently job less at 46 and looking for work. Since I will not do floor nursing anymore I am looking for something more ambulatory. I am grateful for my emergency fund and also some small help from family,but you could have never told me that I would be at this point today in my life. So being frugal will always be a necessary and I get really tired of living paycheck to paycheck. It would be nice to take a vacation and not have to worry all the time.
WilliamB
Thursday 24th of May 2018
I've been close to broke by choice[1] but never poor. And even as young as I was then, I knew that I had advantages that I could not leave behind. Finally, I had the privilege of knowing that if things went really pear-shaped, my family would take care of me. IOW, my experience of living on very little money was thoroughly different than most people's because I never was without a safety net. I live below my means because I prefer to, but my life is still pretty comfortable.
Frugality becomes a habit, you know? There are things I could buy if I wanted to but the habit of not doing so is too strong. For example, I travel a lot but never order room service - I buy something from a store instead.
OTOH, I really like being able to gave a buck to every bum who asks.
[1] During a gap year, I decided to start with a few hundred and live only on what I earned then, and not use any of my savings past the initial amount. During my leanest month I spent $630, the luxurious month was about $850. I ate dinner out three times that year. I still have my account books for that year (and many years thereafter); reviewing them is like rereading a diary.
[2] An advantage is beneficial you've worked for, such as knowing how to behave in an office. A privilege is something beneficial that you didn't work for, such as having the opportunity to learn, early on, how to behave in an office.
Kristen
Thursday 24th of May 2018
So true about having a safety net. I know that there are lots of people who would help us if we got into really desperate straits, and that's a privilege.
Annie
Thursday 24th of May 2018
We grew up frugal as my parents had only one small income while my mom finished getting her PhD. Then things got a bit easier but they stuck to most of their frugal ways so we could have money for emergencies and they could save for retirement. I didn't always practice frugality when I moved out but as I've gotten older I've realized the benefits and became less and less influenced by the consumerist mentality. Now it's paying off as we have a solid emergency fund and we are going to be okay even though my husband just lost the part time job that was supplementing his recently dwindling freelance income. We are determined to modify our lifestyle even more so we don't have to go into debt until he's working steady again. I am trying to look at each change as a positive challenge that will help us towards our goals. We have friends in a similar situation and we are exchanging ideas and supporting each other emotionally, that really helps.