Helping Kids Be Content on Less (+ a math question & a loaf pan sale)

Every Monday, I answer a few of the questions that my readers send me. If you have a question you’d like me to answer in a future Q&A post, just leave me a comment here or email me (thefrugalgirl [at] gmail [dot] com) and put Q&A in the subject line. I look forward to hearing from you!

Before we get to some questions, a reader let me know that Williams-Sonoma is having a sale on the Gold Touch loaf pans that are my very favorite. I pretty much never see deals on these, so if you’ve been in the market, go snag some now!

(not affiliated in any way-just sharing.)

I use the 1 pound size most frequently…it’s similar to a 4×8 inch pan, whereas the 1.5 pound pans are more like a 9×5 inch pan.

Not too long ago, I noticed on your instagram that you use Saxon math 5/4. I am just wondering, what is your method when you teach your child using that book? For example, does she read the text and complete a whole lesson a day?
I would appreciate your feedback. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Zoe

First, I must say that you have a lovely name! (my youngest is a Zoe too. 😉 )

(that photo is from 2011, for those of you wondering why Lisey is looking so young!)

We’ve used Saxon for years now, and yes, we usually do one lesson a day. My kids read the lesson, ask me for help if they’re stuck on something, and then complete the 30 or so problems that are in each lesson (and we do the mental math and lesson practice problems too.) If my kids are having a lot of trouble grasping a particular concept, sometimes I assign them a supplemental practice lesson from the back of the book.

For younger grades (kindergarten through third grade), I’m a lot more hands-on with the math, and I usually sit with my kids as they do their math lessons, helping them learn the right way to do things. That’s honestly my pattern for a lot of subjects-I spend a lot of one-on-one time in the early grades and once that foundation is established, my kids can do a lot of their work independently.

The math lessons are probably the most time-consuming part of their school days, but we do try to get that done every day so that we can finish the books by the end of the year.

I know some families do every other problem in the Saxon lessons, and I’d consider that if my kids were really struggling to complete a lesson every day, but so far, they’ve been ok.

We have finally learning to live within our budget. We live in small community… we work together, play together, go to school together and go to church together. The company my husband works for is doing very well financially so… some of our friends are doing very very well financially to say the least. My husband’s wages are not as high. My question is with my boys (8 & 10yr old) . The other children get i pods, phones, new and latest play stations, dirt bikes, horses and the list goes on. My children don’t get these things… how do we live frugally without making our sons always feel like they are the ones without these things?

-A.

This is such a hard thing, isn’t it? And it doesn’t matter if you’re a kid or an adult-it’s still a little hard to live among people who have way more than you.

But it’s also a really good life lesson, because there is always, always, always going to be someone who has something better than you. Even if your sons grow up to have tons of money, they will still be able to find someone who’s got it better somehow…someone who has even MORE money, a friend who has more skills than they do, or who has a wife when they don’t, or who has kids when they don’t, or who has more friends.

(neighborhood horses, not ours!   😉 )

A couple of thoughts-

I think it’s a good idea to be frank with kids and explain that there’s a limited amount of money coming in, and that spending more than you’ve got isn’t wise. If you earn X dollars and that family earns Y dollars, spending like you’re earning Y dollars would be disastrous. You’re setting a good example for them by living within your means.

If you’re like me, and wouldn’t shower your children with every possession they ever wanted even if you DID have the resources, it would be good to explain that to them. Although we give our children gifts at birthdays and Christmas and such, and occasionally we buy them something out of the blue, most of the time if they want something, they need to save up the money to buy it. Mr. FG and I do that not because we’re being stingy but because we feel really strongly that they need to learn and experience what it’s like to live within their means and what it’s like to save up for something.

Thinking of creative ways to live frugally can help to diminish feelings of deprivation a bit too.   Sometimes there are ways to have awesome stuff on a budget.   For instance, we can still have a beach vacation, but we’ll go off-season.   We can buy an ipod, but we’ll save up and buy a gently-used one from the last generation.

I’m not sure if you share my beliefs exactly, but when my kids are bummed out about someone else having something they don’t have, I remind them that God, who is infinitely wise, gives different gifts to different people, and that we can trust that the lot we’ve been dealt is the right one for us.

I also remind them that no one has a perfect life. Sure, maybe a friend has more money and more stuff, but I can guarantee you that there are troubles and difficulties in that person’s life too and they’re probably not happier overall!

On a related note, I remind them that money and stuff aren’t heavily correlated with happiness (except when that money lifts you out of poverty)…relationships and family are way more valuable in terms of happiness, so it’s a mistake to think that you’d suddenly be happy if you had item X.

(That’s a helpful thing to remember if you start to feel guilty about not providing them with more materially-you may not be able to change that, but you can offer them the really important stuff like love and stability.)

Lastly, I think there’s great value in counting the blessings that you do have, and sometimes in order to see that clearly, it’s helpful to look at those with less.   If you’re focusing on the kid with the playstation and iphone and personal horse, what you’ve got looks pretty pitiful.   But when you compare what you’ve got with, say, what people in war-torn, poverty-stricken countries have, suddenly it’s much easier to be grateful.

I hope that’s at least a little bit helpful.   The only other thing I’d add is that I think it’s important to offer empathy to your kids.   Feeling jealous of other people isn’t a kid problem, it’s an adult problem too, and if you acknowledge that, your kids will be more likely to listen.

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Readers, this last question is a huge topic, and I know I haven’t covered it completely.   So, please do weigh in with your own helpful thoughts.