In my Frugal Girl Facebook group, reader Reese shared this article and said:
Has loud budgeting been talked about? I’m usually pretty polite about saying, “No thanks!” But I don’t think I’ve been as verbal about saying, “I’m not willing to spend money on that.” I feel like I’m perceived as condescending when I say it….I would LOVE thoughts on it!
So as it turns out, I did write a post about loud budgeting last year. I mean, I am a frugality blogger. 😉 I have never been shy when it comes to talking about saving money.
But in that post, I didn’t really address your question.
I was talking more about my propensity to be very open about my money-saving efforts (“Oh yeah, I got that off of my Buy Nothing group!”) and you are asking more about how you can politely say, “No.” to a spending request.
I’m guessing you’re thinking of situations such as when someone invites you to an expensive outing, or is being pushy about a purchase (“You really need to buy X.”)
I honestly think your “No, thank you.” response is perfect and needs no alterations. As they say, “No.” is a complete sentence.
But also…I would feel completely not-like-myself if I just said a plain-Jane “No.” I’m not a one-word person.
So I think I’d probably want to add something on, and if I did, I’d try to keep it positive by including a shareable money goal.
I wouldn’t say, “No, I’m not willing to spend money on that.”
I would say, “No, thank you! I’m really trying to stick to my budget so I can replace my car/pay off my student loans/fly to see my grandma.”
I also think that when appropriate, it can help to suggest an alternative; if someone suggested meeting at a restaurant, you could suggest coffee (it’s cheaper than dinner) or a walk. You could invite them for dinner at your house or for a baking session in your kitchen.
(You may remember that Reese is a very expert baker so honestly, I don’t know why anyone would turn down this suggestion.)
If they won’t take a no…
I wrote the above on the presumption that the interaction is positive.
But if someone will not take no for an answer or is being unpleasant, I would go to something more like “No, I’m not willing to spend money on that.” or “No, and I’d like to be done talking about it.” possibly followed up by a tactful subject change.
Other advantages of loud frugality
One last thought: if you are already casually loud about your frugality (like me!), then you have set the stage with your friends/acquaintances, and they are probably not going to be super shocked if you say no to something expensive.
They’ll already know it’s right on-brand for you. 😉
Oh, one more thing before I open it up to you guys (can you tell I’m just writing this post off the cuff? Ha!): another advantage of being loud about your frugality is that you will probably naturally acquire some like-minded people in your friend circle.
If you mention mending or cooking at home or buying second-hand, that will make other frugal people in your vicinity perk up and want to be your friend. 😉
Terri
Thursday 24th of April 2025
Just my two cents on this topic.... The art of conversation, in general, has been lost. Saying "no" and not giving a reason is perfectly okay with me. If conversation skills were not lost everyone would automatically accept this due to the fact the conversation depend on the views of the speaker(s) and that it is totally okay to agree to disagree. In this age everyone need a reason as to why they were refuse....again a loss in all of it because no one is prepared to receive a negative answer and will normally try to plead their reason to you as to why you should be more cooperative with their request/demand. My answer to that is always the same...."guilt will get you no where with me"...because that is exactly what they are doing. You said 'no' and that should be the end of the discussion on that topic. All to many people think it is okay with pressuring people to do as they ask or demand and that in itself is an absolute NO for me.
Don't get me wrong, this was a learned skill for me after years of allowing others to do such to me. Guilt and conformity is so ingrained with this society that no one really thinks independently any longer but the few.
Isa
Thursday 24th of April 2025
I have no problem saying 'no' in general. And I don't feel like I need to explain myself in most contexts.
For example, I never contribute at work for the thousand's birthday/mat leave/weddings/retirement/new house/baby shower, etc. I would go broke. BUT I also never sign the cards (this is hypocritical IMO, to sign but not contribute to the gift), and I also don't expect anything in return.
Now, I have a ton of colleagues (hospital setting) but none I am real close with, so this is why I don't feel bad about not contributing monetary. I will bring food for potlucks. And if someone is special enough for me, I take them out for lunch instead. I'm frugal, not cheap.
As for my personal life, most people know I'm careful with money. And I don't tend to hang out with 'spendy' people anyways. I'm a very simple, easily content person. I like low key stuff. That said I don't mind spending on interesting experiences with friends or family. Like I said, I consider myself frugal, not cheap. (I choose to save on some unimportant things/experiences to be able to spend on what is important to me/my family)
Jenelle
Wednesday 23rd of April 2025
I just had to say "no" to a fundraising effort of my son's OLD baseball team. I politely stated that we have some other budget items that we are working toward this month.
Katja
Tuesday 22nd of April 2025
You can`t argue with feelings, so I use "Naa, I don`t feel like buying that (now)" You could even give Kondo vibes: nothing comes into the house that does not make you really happy.
Joyce from Arkansas
Tuesday 22nd of April 2025
I have the attitude that no one decides how to spend my money but me. I like the answer that "no" or "no thank you" is a complete sentence. I once worked in an office where all the employees were expected to contribute to buy the boss a rather expensive Christmas gift. I'm talking hundreds of dollars. I thought this was completely inappropriate since the boss signed off on my annual evaluation. And everyone, including people who made a sliver of what the well-paid boss made, were expected to pony-up. They even had a list and would check off your name when you 'contributed." In the weeks before Christmas if you hadn't donated you were gently reminded weekly by a senior secretary. I was bothered, too, that our boss even accepted the gift. One year when I hadn't contributed, a senior manager who was a bully came into my office and point blank asked me if I was going to contribute to the gift. I was totally surprised she would be so bold and she was completely taken back when I simply said "no" and nothing else. It was obvious to me that it was an attempt at intimidation and she was surprised I didn't cave in. I was proud of myself. She didn't know what to say and she turned around and left. That was the last time I was ever bothered about contributing. I'm sure this whole situation would have been frowned upon by our HR dept but I never reported it because I didn't want the blow back and needed my job.