Is it ok to have kids share a room? And what’s it like to go from 2 to 3 kids?

Hi!

I am a long time reader of your blog, and really enjoy your insightful posts.

I have a 3.5 year old and a 17 month old, and my husband and I have been wondering about having a third. We are both totally on the fence at the moment, but as I do not have any friends or family who have three children to ask, I thought you might be a good resource to address one of my biggest worries about expanding our family: having two of our children share a room.

How have you found two young children sharing a room (if we were to have a third child, I would imagine he/she would share a room with our youngest as I don’t think we’d move our oldest to a basement room quite yet)? Do you have any tips or tricks for making that a more feasible situation? Do you ever think that your children would benefit from having their own space or do they seem content to share? How did you handle napping and sleeping for two little ones in the same space?

And on another note, how did you find the transition from two to three (or four) children? I feel like having one and then having another is seen as common, but having more than that isn’t and I’d love an insight into that change.

Thanks so much!
Rebecca

To answer your last question first: for me, the very hardest transition was from 0 children to 1 child.   The complete lifestyle change that brought about, plus the fact that he was a pretty high needs baby…well, that was a hard time in my life.

Compared to that, I felt that the additions of children #2, #3, and #4 were a relative breeze, despite the fact that I had more children to take care of.   Once I was in baby/kid mode, it didn’t seem so difficult to add more, but going from no-kid mode to baby mode was tough.

(ten days after baby #3, faring much better than ten days after baby #1!)

I imagine this is only true to a point…I mean, I can’t imagine having 11 kids and thinking, “Oh, hey, what’s one more?”

But adding #3 and #4 did not make me feel like I was going to die.   It was busy, but manageable.

(2004 vacation, 6 months into the three-kid game)

Everyone’s different, though, so I think it’s sort of difficult to predict how that’ll go.   However, I can say that for me, it wasn’t a big problem.

(2003, pregnant with Sonia)

Also, I should point out that while multiple children are more work, in some respects, they are not.   Even when my kids were very small, they did a good job of entertaining each other, and in a family with multiple children, there’s usually someone who will play with someone else.   This means that you as the parent don’t need to spend a lot of time and energy entertaining your children or organizing playdates and that does make life a little easier.

About room sharing: Currently Joshua and Lisey have their own rooms and Sonia and Zoe share, but all of my kids have shared a room with a sibling at some point in their lives.

To make the napping/sleeping issues less problematic, we always put the baby/youngest kiddo in a room on their own and had older kids share.   That way naps and early bedtimes could happen easily, and when the baby was getting up in the middle of the night, the older kids weren’t disturbed.

Lisey and Sonia visiting Zoe in her room. Worry not; only Zoe slept here!

At one point, though, Sonia and Lisey shared a room and Sonia needed a much earlier bedtime than Lisey did.   So, I’d just put Sonia to bed early in the evening and then send Lisey in later.

I think all of my kids have wished for a room of their own while sharing, but at the same time, I’m glad that all of them have had the experience of sharing a room.   It’s good to learn to put up with other people and their messes and quirks and to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around you.

Sonia and Zoe, our current room-sharers, have some issues living together, but it’s not all bad.   Zoe likes having another person in the room (it makes the dark less scary!), and she and Sonia have some fun times in the mornings together before anyone else is awake.

Of course, it would be far easier to have a room for each kid (less conflict!), but it probably wouldn’t be quite as good for my kids’ character growth.   And the lack of a room for each kid isn’t necessarily something that should keep you from having more kids.

I personally have never had my own room (I shared with my brother when I was very small and then with my sister until I got married, and now I obviously share with Mr. FG), and even though I’m an introvert, I emerged no worse for the wear.

So I guess I’d say that while there’s nothing wrong with having your own room, I do take issue with the idea that it’s a necessity or that you’re doing your kids a disservice if they can’t have their own private space.

Many, many generations of parents successfully raised children who shared rooms, right?   So don’t give this issue an inordinate amount of weight.

A few random tips to make room-sharing easier (some of these will apply more when they’re older):

• Consider putting the older two together and putting the baby in a separate room, as this can solve a lot of logistical issues.
• Limit the stuff in the room. Two kids’ worth of things can easily take over a single room!
• Don’t make siblings clean up the other sibling’s messes. Each kid should be responsible for their own stuff.
• Give them each a little area that’s their own.   For Sonia and Zoe this is their bed area.   They’ve each got their own clock, shelf, calendar, and various wall-hangings that are specifically theirs.

• Help them compromise on room decor/style.   Sonia wanted a green room, Zoe wanted a blue one, so we picked a color in the middle and they’re both happy.   😉

In short: It is totally possible to make this work…lots of people have done it before you.   So, if you and your husband really want to expand your family, don’t let these worries hold ya back. 🙂

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Readers, I know that many of you have experience with room-sharing and with going from two to three kids….so, share your advice with Rebecca by leaving a comment.