Q&A | Divorce memoirs, being too frugal, + introversion/extroversion

I recently (like 2 weeks ago) filed for divorce. Oof, it’s a lot to process. I’m having such a hard time finding real stories of just normal women and how they moved on and got through this hard time. I find your positivity and honesty so helpful and inspiring. What else got you through? Any other good memoirs or blogs you could recommend?

-Kat

First off, I’m so sorry you are going through this. No one gets married thinking, “Oh, I hope one day I will get to file for divorce!” But sometimes we get to a place where divorce is the sad but obviously correct choice.

When I read your question, the main book that popped into my head was, “You Could Make This Place Beautiful“.

I read that one in the summer of 2023, and oh my goodness, it made me laugh and cry and…I feel so seen and validated and understood as I read her words.

(Her book inspired this post of mine, called I Kept Us Here With Words).

You might enjoy her other book, Keep Moving, a collection of bite-sized encouragements that she wrote to herself during her divorce.

I also recently read This American Ex-Wife, but that one is not all memoir. It spends a fair amount of time dissecting the cultural ways in which marriage can often be harmful to women.

(Obviously, this is not true of every marriage. But it is true of enough of them to warrant a discussion on the topic.)

I can’t think of any blogs off the top of my head that talk about divorce. I do know that Kelle Hampton of Enjoying the Small Things is going through a divorce (or maybe she is already divorced?) She doesn’t really blog much anymore, but she’s active on Instagram with the username @etst.

I think it helps to find some friends who are also divorced/divorcing, especially if the divorce is for the same reasons as yours. That sort of person can immediately understand what you are thinking and how you are feeling, which is a lovely experience.

I have a couple of friends like that and they are my lifeline.

I was wondering if you had some time to discuss balancing your natural tendency for frugality with purchases for health? I find myself struggling with wanting to spend little except essentials (especially when I’m working towards a goal like paying down the mortgage, while at the same time, another hefty dental and medical bill comes up) but then wearing sneakers out too much because I refuse to replace them. Do you ever struggle to find the balance yourself?

Best,

Midwest Andrea

Oh, yes, I am for sure sometimes too frugal!

Remember how I’d been using that slightly broken hair straightener for two years? And how it was pulling out some of my hair on a regular basis?

When I finally forked over the $13 for an open-box straightener from eBay, I felt pretty silly for not having made this purchase sooner. That was definitely a case of me being too frugal!

Something that has helped me in the past is to specifically set aside some money for categories that feel vaguely non-essential (you can’t skip the medical bill; you can skip a shoe purchase, so technically the shoe purchase is non-essential in your mind!)

If I earmark the money for a trip or for athletic gear or for a little treat, then I somehow have a much easier time spending it. If it’s all in one big pot, it’s easy for me to mentally think it should all go toward strictly essential spending.

So, maybe think about a few categories you kinda sorta know you should spend some money on (shoes being one of them!) and set aside some money in a targeted savings account or an envelope, and see if that helps you feel a little better about spending.

I would love to read a post from you about introverts and extroverts and read commenters’ experiences etc. I know you wrote a little bit about it in some posts. When you write about how you like to be talkative to patients, it’s made me think about this topic.

Gracias,
Kristhia

I think that I am probably somewhere in between an introvert and an extrovert, so the label for me is “ambivert”.

I do really love to chit-chat with people, I am super outgoing, and I can practically make small talk with a brick wall; those are traits usually associated with extroverts. I often find myself feeling energized by doing things like interacting with my classmates. And I would dislike a hospital job that lacked patient interaction.

But on the other hand, I can also be very very happy all on my own for long periods. When I have traveled by myself or been at home by myself when Zoe’s been traveling, I have felt great!

from my summer solo trip to Jim Thorpe in PA

As you all know, I routinely walk/hike by myself, and I also do things like going to the symphony on my own.

symphony season is gonna start up again soon!

Conversely, if I have been around people nonstop for a while, I feel a hankering for some time where I can just quietly do whatever I want on my own.

So, I find myself vacillating between introverted and extroverted tendencies, mainly based on what I have not gotten enough of recently.

I have no experience being any other way, obviously, but I think being an ambivert is awesome. I can be happy socializing, but I don’t need to be around people, so I am also happy being alone. 

Alrighty, guys! Introversion/extroversion? Divorce books/blogs? Being too-frugal? Lemme hear from you.

P.S. If you have a question you’d like me to answer in a future Q&A, send it to me in an email.