My mom referred me to your blog because I keep telling her how unsatisfied I am with the school system. My oldest child is a freshman in high school. My only hesitation, besides the amount of work involved, is that he will not be interacting with kids his age as he does now. I understand that kids can play sports and there are homeschool co-ops. But what about a young man being able to flirt and date? I think the opportunities would be less if I homeschool. There are other social concerns, but I think they can be compensated for. What are your thoughts?
To clarify, a freshman doesn’t have to date, but surely by the end of high school kids have been interacting in the dating arena.
-A
I may not be the perfect person to ask about this because Mr. FG and I aren’t huge fans of the high school dating scene.
(A little background: I was homeschooled and did not date in high school at all. Mr. FG went to public school and had only a few high school relationships.)
We view dating as a way of evaluating potential marriage partners, and since most high schoolers aren’t really in a position to get married (and most high-schoolers aren’t super mature to boot), we don’t see a whole lot of value in high school dating.
There are plenty of years ahead for students to spend dating, so I don’t see it as an end-of-the-world thing if a kid graduates from high school without having dated anyone.
One of my high-schoolers + two future high-schoolers. 😉
It’s also worth noting that keeping your son in high school is no guarantee of him having lots of dating experience, as there are plenty of people who graduate from high school with a rather quiet dating record.
I do think it’s healthy for high school kids to spend time with other kids, and it sounds like you’d be providing your son with plenty of opportunities for that. Plus, some homeschooled kids do date in high school, so it’s not impossible if it’s something you want to encourage.
At any rate, if you feel like switching over to homeschooling for your son would be a serious win on multiple levels, I wouldn’t personally let your fears about his dating life hold you back.
(Readers, take note: I know that sometimes high-school sweethearts get married and live happily ever after. But by the same token, there are an awful lot of high school relationships that don’t deliver much besides a lot of heartache. Also, please note that I’m not saying every parent has to view high school dating the way we do. I don’t think there are hard and fast, right and wrong rules about this.)
Living in GA, we have mildew issues on the window muntins. The only way to remove the mildew is with a solution of clorox and water – mixed about half and half. This cleaning/rinsing process leaves clorox residue on the windows which commercial products don’t touch (including goof off.) Any ideas?
-JB
Ooh, we have that problem too, and we’re up further north!
Bleach is not actually an effective mold-killer, but vinegar can kill up to 82% of the mold/mildew spores.
Just put plain white vinegar into a spray bottle, spray the mildewy areas, let the vinegar sit for an hour, and then wipe down the area.
If the vinegar smell doesn’t dissipate in a day or two, you can always spray a regular cleaning solution over your cleaned areas and wipe them down.
This should be an effective, frugal, and less messy way to get rid of your mildew problems. Do let me know how it goes.
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Readers, if you’ve got thoughts to share about today’s Q&A topics, share them in the comments and help your fellow readers out!
Ashley Whitt
Wednesday 8th of February 2017
I'm late to this party and my comment is likely to get buried, but I'd still like to point out what I think is the most distinctive trait of high school dating.
It's the time spent together.
Assuming you are in classes with the person you're dating, teens are likely to spend all day together, then hang out on after school and on weekends. It's no wonder their breakups are so hard, on top of all the hormones they're having accelerated relationships. It's like dating someone you work with all day.
When I dated (someone not from my class) in university I spent maybe 9 hours a week with the person. In high school I was in class with my boyfriend from 9am-3pm, that's 30 hours a week right there, even though we weren't constantly interacting. Add to that after school activities, visiting each other's house, and weekends spent mostly together. I could conceivably spend 50 hours a week with him. One week of a high school relationship was like five weeks of real-world dating.
I knew my high school boyfriend REALLY well because in a year of dating I had spent 5 times the amount of time with him than real world dating.
Homeschoolers who date as teens still aren't getting exactly the same experience (for better or worse). They do have more free time than grown up real-world counterparts (they aren't running a household or taking care of kids and even if the people they date go to a traditional school they can probably meet up around 3pm instead of at the end of a 5pm workday). But they don't have the 30 hours a week of classroom time spent alongside their love interest. The relationship isn't quite so accelerated.
Sarah
Tuesday 7th of February 2017
I was a serial dater in h.s. I had a soft heart and if a guy asked me out I agreed. It was always exclusive and "serious," and we went through the emotional wringer a few times. Usually, the relationships lasted for a few months and were pretty chaste. But halfway through my junior year, I started dating a guy who wasn't really good news. He didn't treat me well and pressured me to have sex with him. I can't remember why I stayed with him at first, but after I slept with him I felt bound by my Christian upbringing to stay with him forever so I wouldn't go to hell for sleeping with more than one person. After 2 1/2 years I had an epiphany and finally broke up with him. I'm so glad I never got pregnant. Looking back, I wish that I had been more free and had more fun when I was a teenager. I wish that I had had more opportunity to appreciate the other sex in non-romantic ways. On the other hand, by the time I was 20 I knew exactly what I did and didn't want in a husband, and I ended up marrying the best man in the world.
I went to public and private school for my first two years of h.s. and homeschooled for the last two (I was homeschooling when I got into my bad relationship). Dating doesn't only happen in a school setting. Unless my parents had been scary, hyper-controlling people who locked me in our house, they couldn't have prevented me from dating. I only wish they had given me some more rational and realistic guidance.
Sarahbeth
Tuesday 7th of February 2017
I'm with you, Kristen. I didn't date at all in high school and I'm glad I didn't. The guys were immature and annoying, and looking back now I realize how immature I was also (even though I thought otherwise). I can't personally imagine that it would have done me any good at all.
chris
Tuesday 7th of February 2017
Dating vs. Not dating. Well, I met my husband when we were 15. We dated off and on (mostly on) for 8 years prior to getting married at 23. That was 17 years ago now. We were one of only a few real relationships in our school the whole time we were together. Most people would go to a dance together or the movies or hook up, but weren't really together. We realize now that, emotionally, we were basically married, but too young to be married. Sometimes you just meet the right person right away and there is no rhyme or reason to that. It could have just as easily been that we met at our first job or something. Regardless, we were like magnets and that was that.
We are grateful we were worked out the drama of learning to grow and adapt as a couple when we were in school. We had our parents and friends witnessing so much of it and able to support us in making better decisions.
We won't stop our boys from dating as teenagers, but it isn't conveyed as a goal, either. All 3 want to marry and have kids, evidently, because they have volunteered this information to us.
Our oldest has autism but he has the most specific plans for marriage and parenthood. It is very meaningful to him. I hope it works out. At least, I think I do. It's kind of complicated for him.
The 11 year old has been quietly infatuated with a close friend since 1st grade. She is an awesome kid and we secretly think it would be great if that works out for him, sure, but we aren't cheering for it because that would be weird. Our 8 year old is the same way. How did that even happen? Do precocious relationship tendencies pass on genetically? We don't encourage this stuff. It is like emotional mushrooms are popping up everywhere. My husband and I both had little kid style crushes (on other kids, not each other) in KINDERGARTEN. So bizarre. Our parents and friends did not push that, it was just how we both were. Lovers, not fighters.
Personality plays such a huge part in these decisions.
Kristin
Tuesday 7th of February 2017
Our nephew, whom we are raising, is on the Autism spectrum. He's almost 17 and a sophomore, and not interested in dating right now. I think he probably will eventually, and has made reference to being married and having a family. Like your son, he has a clear plan, which includes a German Shepherd named Richard. Some of his friends at school date, and I think there is one young lady who kind of likes him. But unless she came right out and said so, in no uncertain terms, he would never pick up on it.
I didn't date in high school, but did have many boy-friends, and we went out in groups. I didn't really date in college either, as there was a severe shortage of boys at my school! Been married nearly 10 years, and I think I picked a good one, despite my lack of early dating.
Dede
Monday 6th of February 2017
I had two kids that went to public high school that didn't date. Each one for their own reasons. :)