Thanksgiving for misfits

If you have a life that looks a bit like it could have been plucked out of a Hallmark movie, then this post might be useless to you.

But for the rest of us, a word:

If you have gone through some kind of loss…

If you are alone and you don’t want to be…

If your life looks very different than you thought it would…

If you’ve been betrayed by someone who was supposed to love you…

If you expected “normal”, and your life feels anything but normal…

…then a family-centric holiday such as Thanksgiving can be hard.

You might feel like a misfit, you might feel disillusioned, you might feel unmoored, you might feel unloved, you might feel envious.

And maybe you feel some of those things semi-regularly, but oof, the occasion of a happy family holiday can really magnify those feelings.

I always say that if there’s a sore spot in your heart, a holiday presses on that sore spot, and it hurts more than usual.

If you feel like that, I just want to say that you are not alone, and I want to send you a big hug, as much as one can through the internet.

I know some people like to offer comfort by saying something like, “Oh, all those happy families you see? They’re probably not as happy as they look.”

But I think that’s a cheap way of soothing my raw heart; I don’t want to disparage someone else’s genuine happiness to concoct a salve for my own sadness.

The truth is that some people’s families are happily intact.

Some people have realized more of their dreams than others.

Some people have had fewer challenges than others.

Some people have faced less loss.

Some people’s hearts are less bruised.

Some people do have a partner who is their best friend.

And those people are doing nothing wrong by celebrating their happinesses or posting their family/couple photos on social media. I am so genuinely happy for them, and I don’t wish suffering on anyone!

But I think it is only human to wish for some of the things we see others happily experiencing.

I am feeling ok at the moment, but I will tell you that a few weeks ago, I had a dip into the valley of feeling really, really sad about my circumstances.

And when that happens I figure, ok, there is some more grieving to be done. There’s more sadness that needs to work its way out. So, on multiple occasions, I cried heartbroken tears, and eventually, the heaviness lifted.

At the moment, I am in a place where I can say to myself…”Yes, you are not where you want to be. But where you are now is so much better than where you used to be. Your life is full of possibilities. You are free.”

One of those things that is now possible: tomorrow night, I will be working at the hospital, providing care to people whose Thanksgiving holidays are most certainly not going the way they expected or wanted!

A sweet family holiday is a beautiful thing, for sure.

But it is also a beautiful thing to go take care of hurting people.

A beautiful day (or night in my case!) can look a lot of different ways, and if we can loosen up our thinking, we might be able to see the beauty that is mixed in with the sadness and loss.

So. If you are feeling sad, I stand in solidarity with you. And I also hope that you are able to find some beauty in this time, regardless of how unconventional your life feels.

Tomorrow, I’ll be here with a Thankful Thursday post (how could we skip Thankful Thursday on Thanksgiving??) so, if you want to pop in and make a list tomorrow, I’ll be here!

P.S. I always feel the need to clarify: I do not wish I could go back to my marriage, nor do I regret leaving, not a single tiny bit. I just wish that my story had been different. And I hope there are happy plot twists and new endings in the future. 🙂