The other day, a reader left this question on Facebook for me, or for anyone else who’d like to answer.
How do you make time for you with kids, work/homeschooling, husband, etc.?
To be honest, I don’t think I’m a super-fantastic person to answer this question because I tend to go, go, go, go, go, and doing something just for me sometimes feels not-productive, so sometimes I have a hard time making time for that. Also, my life is a little bit on the full end of things, so it’s not like I ever am just left with empty time to fill.
I do get the basic self-care stuff done, though (showering, reading my Bible and praying, getting a good night’s sleep), mostly because I place a really high priority on those things. My house might not always be clean, my bathroom might be dusty, my linen closet might be cluttered, but I sleep, shower, and read my Bible and pray! Those things keep me energized and productive, I think and if I let those go, I probably wouldn’t be much good to anyone.
By the way, to help me not feel totally overwhelmed by mothering and to help me get those basic things done, it’s been helpful to have some boundaries with my kids in the form of consistent (fairly early) bedtimes, rules about staying in bed during the night (except for times of actual need), and, depending on the age of the kids, rules about what time it’s ok to get up and come out in the morning. I don’t think every household necessarily needs to operate that way, but these habits have allowed me to maintain my sanity and get enough rest.
I also think it helps that I am fortunate enough to find a lot of my work to be pretty fulfilling, so the line between me-time and work-time is a little blurry. For instance, I really love to take pictures, and so although that’s part of blogging (which is work, to a degree), it doesn’t really feel like work…it feels like something fun.
And I like playing music, so when I serve at church in that way, it doesn’t feel like pure work.
I think having a spouse who is supportive is also really helpful. Mr. FG knows it’s good for me to do things apart from him and the kids at least some of the time, so he is supportive of me going to something like Bible study or to a women’s retreat, and he usually does fun stuff with the kids while I’m gone (Which means that they’re not at all opposed to me going out. Hee.)
Now, all that said, I am positive that there are many of you who are a whole lot better than me at finding the appropriate balance between taking care of others and taking care of yourself, so have at it in the comments!
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Joshua’s 365 post: Dragon
Laura Vanderkam
Thursday 24th of October 2013
Early bedtimes never worked for us. The kids don't need much sleep. It's better as they're getting older and can entertain themselves. But I'd say that me time is kind of necessary for human existence. If you have a partner, you and that person can trade off the care of your children. If you don't have a partner or your partner isn't around much, you can lean on friends/relations/neighbors, or you can hire help. All are great options.
Michele
Thursday 24th of October 2013
I think friendships are part of self-care too!
Meredith
Thursday 24th of October 2013
I've had to think about this a lot recently, as we wait for little one #3 (in under 4 years) to arrive... any day now. I'm not bad at taking "me" time when I get a chance, but I often squander it on things that feel recharging, and actually aren't. (Facebook comes to mind.) As my available time to myself has dwindled with each new child (and now the dropping of the 3 year-old's nap), I've had to be intentional about using the time in the best, most refreshing way possible. Often, that means reading a book. Increasingly, it also means baking. Or writing. Anything that quiets my mind and just leaves me alone with my own thoughts for a few minutes qualifies as "me" time.
On the subject of self-care, I have definitely been guilty of feeling bad about taking care of myself when there are so many other people in my house who need to be cared for. This is probably why I don't exercise regularly, even though it makes me feel amazing when I do. I just discovered, though, that I have a substantial Diastasis Recti, with a possible abdominal hernia, caused by, essentially, ignoring my body after delivering baby #2. I had a conversation with my midwife this morning about how I am going to have to make my health a priority this time around. I will still do my best to meet everyone's needs, but mommy WILL be wearing a splint, and she WILL be going to physical therapy, and she WILL be doing her exercises at home when she is supposed to. And everyone else will have to deal. And, in the end, everyone in the house will be happier and better cared-for because I took enough time to care for myself.
Glory Lennon
Thursday 24th of October 2013
I'm like you, Kristen; my ME time was doing for everybody else when the kids were little. If you enjoy the work you do and it's no longer work. It's fun!
KimN
Wednesday 23rd of October 2013
I am a total introvert and can only recharge with time by myself. I have found this to be one of the hardest parts of mothering. I have 3 kiddos, an 8 y/o that is in school, a 4 y/o special needs daughter, and a 2 y/o crazy toddler. They are great amazing kids that have a lot of needs. I actually laughed hard when the previous poster wrote about only having "us time" that is calm, peaceful, and happy. I didn't laugh in a mean spirited way but simply in a cannot-comprehend kind of way. I'm pretty sure there has never been such a moment in our house :) I am constantly reassuring myself that this is a hard season and it will get easier. To cope with the madness, we have "quiet time" in our house between the hours of 1:00 and 3:00. The non-nappers must be in their room playing quietly by themselves and the little one naps. Most (but not all) days I will take that time to do something I enjoy. Are there more productive things I could do with that time? Maybe. But as my SIL said to me, "No one will ever get to the end of their life and wish they had done more dishes". We also have a strict bedtime of between 7:00-8:00 (depending on the child). This gives my husband and I some time together.
JD
Wednesday 23rd of October 2013
Amen sister! Couldn't agree more :)