Why I don’t dye my gray hair

The gray hair in question:

In the inadvertently selfie-heavy Five Frugal Things post yesterday, reader Crystal left this comment:

I especially love your hair! Lovely! My hair is going gray and I find that people are uncomfortable with it. I am 50 and I am just weary of coloring my hair. Maybe you could do a blog post about this?

Aww, I am sorry to hear that other people are foisting their gray-hair opinions on you.

I really dislike the cultural narrative around aging, especially for women, and I wrote a fairly long post on the whole topic of aging.

A lot of what I wrote in that post is relevant here, but I don’t think I’ve ever written a post specifically about gray hair.

But first, I need to make something clear:

I have mixed feelings about my gray hair

Like you, I live in a culture that is terrified of aging, and even though I try to fight against that, I know the culture affects me and how I think.

So, sometimes I feel bummed out that I am getting more and more gray hairs, and I wish for the days when my hair was all brown.

But as I wrote in my post about aging, I don’t think I need to pressure myself to love my gray hair. A place of acceptance is a very adequate goal.

I’ve taken almost 46 trips around the sun, and it is impossible to do that without experiencing some age-related change. Accepting that as fact helps me to feel more peaceful!

Now that we have that out of the way, here are the reasons I have not dyed my grays.

1. I don’t like to spend money

Home hair dye is fairly affordable, but that does still add up over time.

But salon dye…that is expensive for sure, and I just am not sure my frugal heart would want to commit to regular, expensive hair salon trips.

2. I am lazy on the beauty front

I know I’ve said it a million times: it takes very little to reach my, “Nah, that’s too much bother” threshold when it comes to beauty.

I spend maybe 15 minutes on hair and makeup each day, excluding the time it takes to shower, and my product lineup is super minimal.

Based on this long-standing history of behavior, I don’t think I’d want to keep up with home dye jobs or regular salon trips. That’s definitely above my “too much bother” threshold!

3. I would probably be walking around with visible roots all the time

Given the above information, I can gaze into the future and see that I’m a likely candidate for being a person whose grown-out roots are showing on the regular.

I’d either be too lazy to bother with touching up my roots at home, or too cheap to go to the salon to get it done sufficiently often.

And honestly, grown-out roots are not more attractive than the current hair situation I’m in.

I think that specific fact is what helps me the most!

4. I want to push back on unfair beauty standards

 

Part of my refusal to dye my grays is based on stubbornness. I am irritated that our society views men with gray hair as being attractive and sophisticated, but women with gray hair are considered to be washed up and worn out.

I am irritated that it is considered to be “brave” to show your gray hair when you are in your 40s and 50s.

I am irritated that gray hair is considered to be normal only when we reach our 70s or 80s, when the truth is that most humans start getting gray hairs in their 30s and 40s, and once we’re in our 50s, pretty much all of us have a lot of gray hair.

5. I want to normalize what is actually, factually normal

The reason we buy into the, “Gray hair is for old people” lie is that we are not used to seeing people, women in particular, showing their gray hair until they stop dying it.

And that’s usually in their last few decades of life.

I think there is a small cultural shift going on right now, with more and more women choosing to stop dying their grays, or to never start in the first place.

And I’m a small part of that. 🙂

The more we see this, the more normalized it will become.

6. I am being kind to my hair

I know there are ways to mitigate the damage that dye does to your hair, but probably nothing is kinder to your hair than leaving it undyed.

7. I never have to navigate the growing out process

If I don’t ever start to cover my grays, I never have to make the big decision to chop it all off or go through the painful growing-out stage.

I can just let my hair slowly do its thing, and my body will decide when I will become all gray. 🙂

And now I have three thoughts about the issue of other people and their opinions!

1. Get confident in your own reasons not to dye

If you feel solidly content inside of yourself about your decision to stop dying, other people’s opinions will weigh less.

2. Own the fact that this is your hair

If other people feel uncomfortable about what you are doing with the hair that is on your head, well, they really need to stay in their own lanes a little better.

(And perhaps they need to do some soul-searching to figure out why someone else’s hair is so important to them.)

Other people don’t have to walk around with your hair, and they’re not the ones who bear the burden of maintaining repeated coloring, so I just don’t think their opinions need to hold a bunch of weight.

Each of us gets to make our own decisions about what we will do with our own bodies, and that includes what we do or don’t do with our hair. You are the boss of you!

3. Find some online community that helps normalize what you are doing

Maybe there’s no one around you in real life who is ditching the dye, but there are tons of Instagram accounts where women are documenting their gray hair journeys. Following them might help you to feel less alone.

Also: there are people who can appreciate the beauty of gray hair. I have gotten multiple compliments on my gray hair, so rest assured that there are people out there who will be supportive of your decision.

Alrighty, readers! Share your gray hair thoughts with us.

P.S. I have not made an irrevocable decision against dying my hair. It is possible that at some point, I will splurge and get the deep auburn red hair color I’ve always wanted to try.

But if I do that, it won’t be to cover my grays; it will be because that is a color I want to try for a bit. 😉

P.P.S. If you choose to dye your hair, please do not read this post as a judgment on your decision. If that’s your splurge and you love your reasons for dying your hair, that is a-ok! Your hair, your business. It’s all good. 🙂